So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
