I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
