u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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