he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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