she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
