And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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