she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
