My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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