Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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