I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
