the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The Olympian is in my bed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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