I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
