We named our party play list daddy issues
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
