I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
