I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
