is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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