Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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