Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
