What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
