I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
