so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
