is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
