Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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