I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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