Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
