Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
