I've blown a few things in my day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
