let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
