Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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