Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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