1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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