When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
