This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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