Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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