Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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