Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
