Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
