Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
