just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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