and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
