I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She even gives head with a lisp.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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