i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
