you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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