this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
