It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
