no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
