Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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