I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
