420 ftw
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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