just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
