she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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