You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
