so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
